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HAPPY BIRTHDAY MYX!BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY GERARD AND GILBERT! :)ej is right.
fate and destiny...equals crap.
crap.
don't speak to me of fate and destiny, please. don't tell me,
it's not meant to be, but they are meant to be. isn't destiny supposed to be something that people rejoice over? if it
is love, then shouldn't it create these oh-so-contagious ripples of happiness around a couple?
but no. it doesn't. whereever destiny creates, it also destroys. in the joining of two, there is always someone out there whose dreams were shattered. it doesn't have to be big, the sound of your heart breaking is not as loud as a bomb exploding. but you hear it - you hear this unbearable screech that torments you. it's like listening to nails screeching against a blackboard. your teeth want to fall out. you feel your eyes water uncontrollably. it's there.
it fucking hurts.
fuck. why did i have to be the one whose wishes would never come true? why? and why am i constantly reminded that they won't? i don't want to remember. if forgetting is next to impossible, then how the heck do you let go of something? if i don't let go, how do i stop myself from wishing?
if you can't have what you want, where's the profit in wishing?
i don't want to go back to the lonely existence of waiting on someone. i've waited, only to find nothing at the end - when everything's run out and you expect some kind of replenishment, of some emotional consolation, then nothing comes along but the same grief you've gone through day by day.
where two people come together, someone is bound to feel dejected. even for just five minutes. or two. or one. or even less. but someone
does feel that way. it doesn't matter if he feels it for a minute, an hour or a year. he
felt the same emotion. the same heartbreak. it may have been of a different degree but
it's of the same essence anyway.
why can't some
happily ever after happen to me? i am tired of lamenting over and over and over again. this life is beginning to become a series of hope for it, wait for it, let go of it. and never really
getting it at all. don't get me wrong, there are some things that are momentary joys, those small bits of paradise that you get to hold on to - but they all fade too quickly. i want, no,
i need something, something that i'll be able to hold on to well. something that upon waking up the next day would still be there. something i can look forward to.
someone i can look forward to.
i've always hated this. but it always happens to me. fuck.
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The clock ticked: 8:17 AM